Konoha Smiles
by KasumiAna
Summary: The war ended with the death of two great shinobi. The one that Hinata loved, and the one that Sakura loved. Now, they're both just trying to cope through life. Will they ever be able to experience life like they used to?
1. Greens

I haven't put any sort of fanfiction online for a really long time. I'm way too self-conscious for that, but here's a quick one-shot type thing. My writing is rusty… This is mostly just Hinata reflecting about stuff, so if you're looking for a more active plot, click the back button a read something else, please. To begin with, this is just horrible written. If you're looking for something profound, please, hit the back button also.

_Hinata POV_

**Greens**

It was hard not to think about him every once and a while. If I had to put a number on it, I thought about him half the time, but he was always in my mind's eye. I saw his boyish smile everywhere from the empty swing under the old tree to the stone of the Hokage Faces, even though none of them were his. I saw the determined look of his eyes whenever someone would give me a sign of approval or pride. I saw his mess of blond hair instead of Kiba's brown.

Today, I walk by the training field, where he first officially became a ninja. He had stepped so intimately with the grass here—or at least that's how I imagined it. Whenever I pictured him, he was this young, free boy, never willing to give up on anything. My hero would take on every challenge, whether it was reasonable or not, and somehow find a way to succeed. He helped save me from my own self-doubt, and I used his strength to hold me up. I'll never forget the fire in his eyes as he watched me fight my cousin. He took my blood on his hands. He had cared about me then, and I'll never know how much.

As I made my way across the field, I was reminded of that one mission that he couldn't finish, the one mission that mattered to him the most. Those were the times it was hardest to be with him. Not only would I have been useless in comforting him, but seeing him broken… It broke me as well. That was when he started to get closer with Sakura, when I began to lose hope. It was impossible to miss how much he loved her in the same way that I loved him. It wasn't that I had expected to ever gain that romantic affection, or that I didn't know that he had a crush on Sakura, but it was _love_ that I saw in his eyes. I had already known it, but I pretended it wasn't true. I had told myself it was just a rumor started by whoever was immature enough to do it, but when I saw how devoted he was to the promise he made to Sakura, I knew I'd missed my chance. I probably never even had a chance.

He left for two and a half years, and all I knew was that he was training with one of the greatest Konoha ninjas in history. I half expected myself to continue on with my life, to find another purpose, but I had found it a difficult task. Looking back, I never really knew when it was that I fell in love with him. Maybe it was when I first saw him swinging under the tree, lonely in the shadows. I remembered sitting down one day during his absence, looking at that wooden plank and dreaming about what could have happened if he had only looked up on any day of his ownership of that seat. If he had seen me then, would I have taken the place in his heart that Sakura later took? As much as I wished that were true, I knew that he was always destined to love her, and that I was eternally fated to follow the man I could never call mine.

During those two and a half years, I couldn't miss the way Kiba looked at me. I still don't know why I didn't see it sooner, how his eyes lot up at the sound of my voice. Maybe it was because I had been too distracted and too concerned with the other man's impressions of me. When it was just Kiba and me, I noticed how he would respond my every action. He moved for me. I should have been happy. At the very least, I should have been grateful. Instead, I just pretended not to know. I probably hurt him bad. In fact, I know I did, but I didn't want to risk our friendship by addressing any sort of romance that might come between us. Then one day, Kiba said _his_ name, and then I realized that Kiba had probably known the secret that I thought I was hiding so well. It made it harder for me then to just ignore Kiba's affections, so I had tried to return his smiles and waves. I think he had seen through the façade, because afterwards he smiled and waved at me less. For that, I was grateful.

Now, I finally reached the other side of the field. I could no longer hold back the tears that were already forming in my eyes, though I fought with them furiously. My situation seemed so gloomy that it almost called for gray skies and chilly breezes, maybe some precipitation, and yet today it was sunny and warm. It would have been just the type of day that he would have flourished in. The sky was a blue to match his eyes, and the sun golden enough to match his hair and his will. He would have run around and laughed the way he did. I closed my eyes and pictured him next to me, reliving the last real moment I had with him. It was when I told I loved him. It was the hardest thing for me to say, given the situations that were unfolding, but in my own desperation I had to say it. Even in the short amount of time I had the before I was rendered unconscious, I recognized _something_ in his eyes. I hadn't known what it was then, but this morning it came to me. I remembered the memory that I had seen that expression before.

After my fight with Neji, I had passed out. He stood over me, and he was the last thing I saw before everything went black. His face at that moment will be forever ingrained into my mind. There was worry in it, but there was something else that held more warmth than worry. It was deeper, more a part of him that anything else. I saw it again that day during Konoha's destruction. The main emotion on his face that moment was shock. I had always just thought that he was surprised to learn of my feelings for him, and that shock and not some romantic desire took over his expression, but I realize now that familiar warmth was evident as well. Could it have been love? It's too late to ask him, and too late to hold his hand, and to late to tell him I love him just one more time.

I looked down at the monument before me. _Naruto Uzumaki_ was clearly carved into the stone. I let my tears flow freely now, knowing that there was no way I could stop them at this point. I fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands. I always knew he would be remembered. He was great and mighty and strong, and he always put others before himself. Why did he have to be remembered for sacrificing his life? I wanted to scream out my anger towards destiny, but I choked on the release and just collapsed into my own misery. His face deserved the large mass of mountain next to Tsunade's face, yet all he gets is his name written on a tiny block of stone among so many others. It would never seem right.

I closed my eyes again, wiped the tears away, and stood up, opening my eyes to look at the sky. Everything there was, anyone alive today, owed their life to him. I bit my lip, just like my old habit from years ago, and finally a smile touched my lips. He was my inspiration, and death should not change that. I knew what he'd say if he somehow his spirit could communicate with me, and I didn't want to let him down. I turned around and began to walk back the way I came.

This time, the grass seemed greener.


	2. Academy Room

I can't say this is that much better because… It's just easier to write about Hinata because her character is just so much more like the people I get along with. Sakura is just… predictably unpredictable to me. Anyway, here is THIS.

_Sakura POV_

**Academy Room**

I remember the exact moment I realized that I'd lose him.

Up until that moment, I had hope. Even if Naruto never fulfilled his promise, I had dared to dream that my Sasuke would at least be alive, that's he'd return my feelings for him. At the very least, I wanted to see him smile one more time, like he did before. He lit up my life with smiles like that. There was something mysterious in it, and I used to always wonder if he really was smiling about the thing everyone thought he was. Even with all the horrible things that happened to our team, I always found comfort knowing that Sasuke was there…

Today I was visiting Shikamaru at the academy. I was usually too busy at the hospital to hold up a social life, so he was surprised to see me. I was surprised too, but the academy held so much of the happier memories, and I needed that right now. I needed to see Sasuke's youthful eyes and devious grin, and just his general calming presence. When he was there, everything was easier to accomplish. The desire to make him notice me far surpassed any worry of embarrassment I had. He was _that guy_, the one that every girl crushed on, and all the other guys were jealous of him. At first, I thought Naruto was just another one of those guys.

When I was young, when I first admitted to myself that I liked Sasuke, I was this shy little girl that didn't know much about the world and all the bad things that could happen to innocent people. The first person I told about my secret, the secret that had seemed like such a big deal back then, merely dismissed it and laughed at me. I realized how much bigger the world could be. It had cost me a very valuable and at least mostly normal friendship. After that day, Ino was my rival, or my "frienemy". When I lost that outlet because of the bud that would eventually become an undying love for him, I took the competition seriously. Overtime I changed into the person that I thought Sasuke could find something in, maybe make him laugh or even just look my direction. Looking back now, I see that I had only made myself more invisible to him. I became one among many of his worshippers. He was _that guy_, the guy that all the girls wanted and the one that all the other guys were jealous of. For the longest time, I thought that Naruto was just another one of those guys.

It was at the academy that the three of us were first called to be a team. I couldn't comprehend what that meant back then. To me, it had only meant that I could spend time with Sasuke. I was the lucky girl that was chosen above all the rest to be in a team with the cutest guy in the entire school, probably even the entire village. We were so _young_, or at least I was. Knowing what I know now, I doubt that Sasuke ever felt like a child. He had gone through so much, and none of the girls could understand that, including me. That day when he called me… when he called me _annoying_ and made me realize that I had to grow up to earn his respect, I couldn't believe it. The first real conversation I had with him, and it changed me. He just had that effect on me, and I thank him for giving me a reality check. Well, I never really got to thank him for that. There's a lot of things I never got to tell him.

I went into the old classroom, the one that we were in when our names were first called to graduate from the academy, and I found the very seat I was in. I sat down in it, replaying the memory over again. I felt my eyes water, but I blinked once and the moisture became more regular.

I thought about our test. We had to get the bells, and we tried so desperately. I was the weak one who fell without a fight. Naruto was the reckless one who just ran into battle without a thought. Sasuke was the one who came the closest. He was so determined to work by himself and succeed. He'd been alone for such a long time, I can see why he was so unwilling to work with Naruto and me. It was when we realized that we needed to be there for each other that we truly became a team, even before Kakashi-sensei announced that we passed.

Our first mission outside the village was… it was bad. I watched Naruto and Sasuke bond, and I wanted so badly to start a relationship with Sasuke. I mean, without the falling and the injuries from tree climbing, but just wanted to love him. Then I saw Sasuke in action, with actual blood coming out of him from battle. He had needles in him, and he cuts in so many places. It was like my insides were torn. I wanted to look away because it was hard to see him like that, but I wanted to run to him and hold him in case it was the last time I'd ever get to speak to him. It was then that I began to understand the magnitude a person could love another. If he _had_ died that day, I doubt that I would have grieved any less than I did five years ago when he actually did lose his life.

I don't know how it came to be that our team because so close that we grieved so much when Sasuke eventually decided to abandon us. It was that mission with Haku and Zabuza, and then the Chunin Exams… Those were hard times. We were tested and challenged, and we proved what the team meant to us. I was with Sasuke when he got that disgusting mark on him. It turned into this evil monster. I was so afraid, but I knew I had to do something. Maybe becoming the monster was what he wanted, or maybe he just didn't care, but I didn't want him to be like that, so I cried out to him… He came out of it, didn't he? Did I do that to him? I wanted to believe that my words meant something deeper than friendship to him, and that maybe he loved me too. Maybe it wasn't all just a waste of emotions. Many times after that, it was clear I meant _something_ precious to him, but it was never clear exactly what I was in his life. He just got out of control. He actually left us for Orochimaru, that creep. Will I ever forget how disgusting that man was?

I met Sasuke one last time before he left. I offered him everything. I gave him all of my heart, and it was in my desperation that said I'd leave the village for him. Every time I think back to that moment, I never doubt that I really would have gone through with it if he accepted me. He hadn't accepted me though, and instead he thanked me. I've stayed up nights thinking about those words and their meaning. Not knowing what he felt was the second hardest thing for me to live with after he left. The first was just living without him, with his absence calling out loudly.

Naruto had promised to bring Sasuke back, and for years I believed him. It was a lost hope. From the moment we became a team, it was a lost hope. I had depended so much on that hope that I just shut every other possibility out. Even when Naruto and I saw him again and he looked at us like we'd never meant anything to him, I told myself that it was only his face that said felt that way, that in his heart we still were friends. It was a foolish wish, and it was stupid of me to pretend.

I heard of all the evil crimes he committed, and I pretended to be unaffected. I pretended to be too preoccupied with other things that I found myself losing sight of what our team had first stood for. The only reason Kakashi passed us was because he had believed that we would be loyal to each other, and that we'd protect each other. Sasuke and Naruto had already saved me, on many occasions, and all I wanted to do was do the same.

I keep thinking that there must have been some small thing I could have done to change something in history so that we'd still be a team, instead of just me. I closed my eyes and leaned forward in my seat, resting my elbows on the table in front of me.

"We are still a team," I whispered to the two people who should have been sitting beside me. "And Sasuke," I added to the one on my left, "thank you."

A smile made it's way to my face, but never touched my eyes. I refused to cry now. This room was where our destinies began, and destiny had it so that they'd leave. I was lucky to have met them at all. At least now Sasuke had his peace. After the years of chaotic turmoil he was in, he deserved that peace. Who was I to disturb him? I stood up, not wasting any more time except to look back at the room before I shut the door behind me.


	3. Walking Home

**Chapter 3 : Walking Home**

_Hinata POV_

On my walk back from the old training field, the sun had begun to make its descent from the sky. The clouds were painted a brilliant shade of orange, and the darkened shadows of distant structures completed the picture of the Konoha sunset. _He _must have watched that sun set many times. I started to wonder if he had marveled at it as I often had, but I decided not to linger too much on the past. There were other people who needed me, and I'd already taken enough time away from them.

Lost in my thoughts, I was surprised by the sound of another person's footsteps a few feet away. When I looked up, I found Sakura on the road with me. She was coming from the Academy, appearing lost in her own thoughts. I guessed why, and I knew my guess would be right. Five years ago today was the day the last Ninja War culminated with the horrible tragedy that took Naruto-kun away from me, and the day that Fate finally ripped Sasuke from her. We exchanged a wordless smile, and went our separate ways, though what her destination was I had no idea. I didn't dare look back to watch her, yet I knew she hadn't looked back herself.

I came to a turn to the once busy street where the Ramen Hut used to stand, but I didn't take it. Instead, I deliberately took the long way around, like I always did. If I saw that Ramen Hut again without him sitting there, too many unpleasant feelings would creep into me. I didn't want to have to deal with that, not now that I've come so far.

The longer route afforded me more time to prepare an excuse for Neji as to why I hadn't come home earlier. He'd been watching out for me, these past five years. It was impossible to ignore how different a person I was without Naruto to look up to anymore. Neji had been warning me all week, watching my moves carefully, making sure I didn't slip into a horrible depression the way Tenten had when Lee's life was put to a sudden end. I told him his worries were unnecessary, but he couldn't trust my words when my face must have said the exact opposite thing. But he really didn't have anything to fear. Naruto had never given up on anything, even when the entire world called him foolish, so he'd never give up on life. I wasn't about to either.

Again my thoughts were distracted by a familiar shuffle from behind me. I turned around. "Kiba," I said.

He looked back at me from only a few feet away, Akamaru next to him. He stepped closer to lessen the distance between us. "Neji told me to watch over you," he explained solemnly.

I smiled, wondering if there was any point disguising my sadness from him. "Thank you, but that's not necessary."

He sighed. "Hinata, I saw you at the memorial."

I hesitated for about half a second before answering, "I was just paying my respects, Kiba. After all that Na… After all that _he_ did, it's only right."

He could have chosen to point out that I couldn't say my hero's name, but he didn't. He only looked at me for a few more seconds before extending his arm. "At least let me walk you home." When he saw my hesitation he added, "For Neji."

I stared at his arm. We both knew it was a bad idea. Too many things could happen if we touched. It was to him what it wasn't to me, but I probably needed it as much as he did. There in the sturdiness of his comforting arm I let myself rest. We walked this way, silently, until we reached my home, where my father was waiting for me, where Neji had refused to return to his house until he saw I was okay. I hated being a bother to them, especially when they had so many other things to worry about.

I turned to Kiba before I entered. "Thank you," I said.

He nodded once. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

The look on his face kept be from saying no, but I didn't want to say yes either. I just gave a smile and headed inside. I heard him call Akamaru, and then run off back to his home. I only wished that I could have said something more meaningful to him, that I could say the words he wanted to hear. It would have been so much easier if I loved him, but the heart is not so kind.

"You're finally home," Neji said as I passed him. "I told you not to go on brooding about it."

I shot him a glance. "I haven't been brooding. It's one day a year, and it is an important date to me, as it should be for the entire village."

He remained undaunted. "Past is past."

"What?" I stared at him, trying hard not to let rage touch my voice. "Everyone just wants to pretend that the war five years ago never happened. But I don't want to forget him, not after everything he did. He deserves to be remembered, and not just for his sacrifice at the end. Remember all the good he did before? Don't you remember how he changed you, how he changed all of us? Maybe you're willing to just let this date slide, but I'm not."

His face hardened. "You're putting words into my mouth. I never said we should forget."

"No, but you're saying you don't want us to remember."

"Stop it, Hinata. I'm just worried for you." He stepped closer. "After the war ended, you never took the time to react. The only day you even talk about him is that one day a year on the date of his death, and you and I both know how much he meant to you."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're saying you want me to cry?"

He shook his head in frustration. "Hinata! You know what I'm saying."

Before I could lash out any more, the gentleness in his voice calmed me down. I sighed. "I do know. How could I ever accuse you of forgetting him? It's because of him that we're able to talk closely like this."

With a nod, he slowly put a hand on my shoulder. "Just take care of yourself."

"I will. You don't have to worry." After a few seconds of hesitation, I added, "Kiba already worries enough."

Neji stepped unto the road. "You know why."

When I didn't answer he began his homeward walking, and left me at my door to ponder on his last words. Yes, I did know why. It was for the same reason that I continued to follow Naruto when I knew he'd always love Sakura. I was never really hurt, just as long as Naruto could still smile, but Kiba didn't even have that satisfaction. If he loved me sincerely, and there could never be any doubt about it, then this would be much easier for him if I were happier. And so, in my resolve to not cause him more pain than necessary, and to alleviate some of Neji's worries, I plastered a smile unto my face and walked to my room, where I fought hard to keep everything from falling apart again. My one victory was that I did not let myself cry, but I knew that if the tears did not come tonight, there were many more nights ahead of me and all that time more to cry.


	4. Just Another Day

**Chapter 4: Just Another Day**

_Hinata POV_

I opened my eyes to the blinding sun and quickly closed them shut again, pulling the covers over me. The sun was already bright in the sky. It was morning, maybe even noon. Realizing that I'd woken up late, I pushed myself off the bed and twisted my body so my feet landed on the floor. I still didn't have even energy to just spring into life, and an annoying nauseating feeling came over me. It was just going to be one of those mornings, I thought to myself.

As I slowly ate my breakfast bowl of rice, I went over all the things I had to do. I'd already slept through the only part that I could spend doing whatever I wanted. After breakfast, I had to go to the demonstration at the Academy. After that, I promised Tenten and Ino that I'd have a lunch with them. And then after that I had planned to ask Neji if he needed help training his genin for the Chunin exams.

I bit my lip as I thought of the Chunin exams. They meant little to me anymore. What was rank to _him_? He'd never advanced the ranks past a genin, and yet he saved us all. Why should rank matter now? Bravery and strength, and a good heart, could never be measured by a title. If anything, it demeaned the actual qualities that make a good ninja. It was with these thoughts that I headed out to the Academy for the demonstration.

Shikamaru greeted me at the gate and let me in. His class was going well, as far as I knew. When I asked what it was he wanted me to demonstrate, he said he was doing a lesson on bloodline limits and thought it would be good to show them some Hyuga martial arts based on the Byakugan.

"You don't have to though. You look tired."

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine." That had become my automatic response. "I already have a routine I can do. It's simple enough not to overwhelm the children."

After a short introduction by Shikamaru into the subject, I started my demonstration. It was the same movements I used in that Chunin exam fight I had to face Neji in. I remembered it because _he_ was there, and his face was the last thing I saw before blacking out. The demonstration went by quickly for me. I lost myself in the memory of his living self. I think Shikamaru had tried to signal to me several times that I could stop, but I didn't notice. The memory replaying in my head was just too perfect, even if I was getting beaten close to death, even if in that memory I felt pain in every molecule of my body, it was perfect because _he_ was there watching. He called out my name, and it gave me strength.

"Hinata!"

Only this time it wasn't his voice. Shikamaru called out again, and I finally snapped back into reality. I looked around and saw familiar wooden walls, and the young schoolchildren. For their sake, I put on a smile. "That is Hyuga martial arts. It's a technique used to block off chakra points using the Byakugan, which is only possessed by members of the Hyuga clan."

They looked back at me, amazed, with their large eyes full of fascination. Shikamaru thanked me, and asked the class to thank me, and when it was all over, he added in a lower voice, "You don't have to stay."

I looked back at the children and considered for a moment that I should help a little longer, but they looked too much like how we all used to be. "Thank you," I said, and I left.

The sun had only gotten hotter since the morning, and I guessed that noon had arrived, or was about to arrive. That meant lunch time. That meant that any time now…

"Hinata!" Ino's voice rang.

I turned around just as Ino came running to me, with Tenten walking steadily behind her. "Hi," I answered. "How've you two been?"

"We're great," Tenten said, smiling as she finally caught up with Ino. "You?"

I clapped my hands together. "I'm fine."

"Well, we should start walking," Ino said. "I heard Ichiraku's new menu is attracting a lot of customers."

I blinked, and I froze, and then I looked at the ground. "Ichiraku's?"

Ino nodded. "Yeah, Choji told me it's one of the most delicious things he's ever tasted. Let's go already!"

"Uhm…" My loud heartbeat pounded into my thoughts, and a good excuse became hard to reach. "I... I'm not really that hungry. You two go ahead, and I'll just eat at the dumpling place that just opened."

"But that's on the other side of the village," she answered. "If you weren't really hungry, you wouldn't need to go there at all. Come on, Hinata, just eat with us!"

I sighed and turned to Tenten, who looked just as eager. "No, really, I'll eat later. I have other things I have to finish first."

Ino was not fooled. "Like what?"

"Like…" I was stuck. If I wasn't so panicked I probably could have thought of something. All I knew was that I could not go to Ichiraku's. It would destroy my existence, or something dramatic like that. Without my brain intact, though, I left myself to the mercy of Fate.

Behind Tenten, I saw Kiba riding down the road on Akamaru. He saw me. Our eyes met, and I felt a familiar warmness in my cheeks before I dropped my head again.

"What's going on?" Kiba asked.

Ino turned to him. "We want to go to Ichiraku's, but Hinata won't."

"I'm just not that hungry," I explained again. "I mean, I don't want to go to Ichiraku's."

Ino shook her head. "Why would you not want to go to Ichiraku's? It's like the best food there."

Kiba held up his hand and got off Akamaru. "What Hinata's trying to say," he began when his feet had touched the ground, "is that she already has plans for this afternoon."

"Plans?" Ino asked. "What plans?"

Kiba walked over to my side and smiled charmingly in that boyish way he did things. "She has plans with me," he said.

"What?" It was me this time. "I mean… Yeah, I'm already busy this afternoon. Sorry, Ino. Sorry, Tenten."

Ino turned between Kiba and me. A smirk appeared on her face. "Oh, I get it."

"Get what?"

She shook her head. "Come on, Tenten. We better hurry if we want to get any food."

Tenten nodded. "Of course… Bye, Kiba. See you later, Hinata."

"Get what?" I asked again. "What do you get?"

They were leaving, and I was glad of it, so I eventually stopped asking. I had other things to deal with. "Kiba, you know what Ino was thinking, right?"

He grinned at me. "Of course."

"And you knew she was going to think that when you said what you said."

He nodded. "It was my purpose."

"Then why?" I blinked as I felt the danger of tears forming. "I mean… Thank you for helping me."

"Hinata, I know why you didn't want to go to Ichiraku's. You don't have to hide of that from me. You don't have to hide anything from me."

The tone of his voice was soft and gentle. He'd grown up well. He wasn't the same untamed boy he was when we were younger. I could have admired him just then, gazing over me with so much emotion, but I saw too much of Naruto in his expression, the way Naruto's voice would usually lower when he talked to me. The two of them even moved the same way. There was a certain spontaneity in each step, and each motion. The more Kiba tried to comfort me, the more he reminded me of him, and the more I was reminded that he was gone.

I turned away, but Kiba took hold of my arm and held me in place. I couldn't bring my eyes to meet his, for fear that he'd see the misery on my face. "It's not a matter of hiding," I answered. "I just don't want to talk about it."

He sighed and took my hands in his. "How long is it going to be before you can?"

I understood all the different levels in his question. "You're asking me for a specific date?"

"Well, it depends what you mean when you say 'date.'"

I looked up at his eyes now that the moisture in mine had passed. "You're serious."

"Yes," he said, his voice grower louder without discarding its calm steadiness. "I'd never joke around with you, Hinata. Not when you're vulnerable like this."

"I'm not vulnerable. I just don't…" I pulled myself away from him, and stepped back a few steps. "Thanks, Kiba, but I'm just going to eat lunch with Neji."

"Hinata, wait," he called. "I'm sorry. I won't ask again if you tell me not to."

With his eyes looking at me like they did, I just couldn't leave. "Don't ask again," I said.

"Okay, I won't. I promise." His outstretched hand reached out to me. "Hinata, please. It could be just like old times. We've always been friends. I've always watched over you."

"Yes, you have. But whatever you do, it's still not going to be like old times," I answered quickly. "It's not. Things are different now."

He nodded once. "I know, and I'm sorry." He held out his hand again. I looked at it for a while. I didn't want to take that step backwards by dwelling on the past, but a hand to hold was too much of a temptation.

"Okay," I finally said.

He smiled at me. "Okay. Then I remember hearing you say you wanted dumplings?"

I smiled back. "Yup," I said, taking his hand.

He waved his hand at Akamaru, who barked and started to follow behind us down the road to the dumpling place. I wasn't any more anxious to go there; I'd eaten there with Naruto at one point. However, it was less painful than Ichiraku's, and I really did crave for dumplings.

"Are you okay?" Kiba asked me when we were getting closer. "Do you need to sit down?"

"No, I'm fine." That had become my automatic response.


	5. Thinking Of You

**Chapter 5: Thinking of You**

Sakura POV

I kind gave up trying to give up. Everyone else had survived the war pretty good. Surviving wasn't hard. Lungs breathing, and heart pumping? That takes no effort at all. The hard part was living on and moving on, even though I knew that I had already lived past the greatest moments of my history, and possibly the greatest moment in all of history.

I closed my eyes and imagined Naruto and Sasuke next to me. I knew what they'd say to me, but right now I didn't want to listen. Move on? That's easy to say when you're dead. I'm not so blessed. You know I can do so much better? Yeah, maybe I could, but right now all I want to do is curl up in bed and pull the sheets tightly over me. I couldn't do that today, though. After yesterday's day off, Lady Tsunade would undoubtedly run me completely busy with her errands.

As I approached her office, I knew I was correct. Shizune-san handed me the to-do list for the day, saying some things I never heard, and I walked back out without ever meeting the Hokage's eyes. She didn't talk much to me after Naruto and Sasuke died. She'd lost both of her partners just as I had lost mine. We'd developed our own way of communication that went beyond words. Also, it might just be guilt on her part and spite on mine.

Tsunade wasn't the only one I could relate with. The first on my list was to pay back Tsunade's tab at Dango Shop. Shizune had kindly given me the money before setting me off, and so I began walking to the hut at a slow pace. From what I'd seen of the rest of the list, this was the least daunting task I had ahead of me today. However, I soon found that the walk there gave me too much time to my own thoughts, and I increased my pace. Eventually, I got to the hut, where the clerk had been eagerly expecting my arrival with the money. She had Tsunade's bill ready out on her counter. I sighed as I looked at the final amount and doled out the coins. For a woman who was too busy to run her own errands, she sure had a lot of time to go out to eat.

"Thank you, Sakura," the clerk said happily. "And thank Lady Tsunade for me. She provides such good business in these trying times."

I smiled back at her. "I'll send her your thanks."

I turned to leave, but as I walked out the door, two friends were about to enter. My eyes met with Hinata's. Yes, she was the other one that wasn't Tsunade with whom I could relate to. Her eyes sank to the floor as I noticed Kiba beside her. Well, maybe the two of us weren't so relatable after all.

"Hey, Sakura." Kiba waved at me as they walked by.

"Hi," I answered.

And that was all we said. Continuing on my list, I began heading toward the gate to the village where Izumo and Kotetsu sat guarding it. Since the war, all the mail had to be checked at the gate first, before being sent to the individual people. It had opened up non-ninja jobs, while also providing some new genin with missions to keep them busy. It was a good system, albeit causing a slight delay in the delivery of a message. Just like at the dumping hut, they also expected me.

"Here's Lady Tsunade's pile of paperwork for today." Izumo handed me a box, about a hand span tall, containing the documents the Hokage had to look over. The box was lighter today, so that cheered me up a little, even if just minutely. It made the trip back up to Tsunade's office a little easier.

Shizune stood just outside the Hokage's office. I handed the box to her, and she thanked me like she did every day before setting the pile on Tsunade's desk. The Hokage herself sat at her desk, and from what I could see she was busy looking through the lottery results in the paper.

"Did she win anything?" I ask Shizune casually.

She shakes her head. "No, nothing at all."

I nod. "Well, I guess that's a good sign."

And every day it went on like this. I knew when to stay, when to leave, and when to just keep my mouth shut. This was the life of routine that had taken hold of me before I even noticed it was there. Every time I try to find a beginning of this cycle, I always take myself back too far, and memories from the past come at me where I'd rather they didn't.

The third task wasn't really a task at all. It wasn't on the list, but it was part of the routine that I had picked up sometime in the last five years. It was almost recess at the Academy. I dashed to the doors as they opened and let the school children out. This was the one part of my day that wasn't always completely planned. Today, Shikamaru's class was the one outside, but it could've been Iruka-sensei's class, or even Ino's flower arranging class. Whoever's class it was, I got a decent conversation with a trusted friend.

As I sat down next to Shikamaru on our bench, he let out a sigh. "Just another day, isn't it?"

I nodded. "Same old, same old. What are the children learning now?"

"Bloodline limits," he answered. "Today we talked about dojutsu in Konoha…"

I blinked. Even before he mentioned dojutsu, just when he said 'bloodline limits' I thought of him. Sasuke… and his sharingan. It was the skill that drove him insane towards the end. I tried to follow what Shikamaru was saying, but all I picked was some occasional mentioning of the byakugan. He was clearly trying not to upset me, but I still needed to know.

"What does the Academy teach about the Uchiha clan, now?" I asked.

My question didn't catch him completely off guard. He almost looked like he was expecting it. "Depends what year they're in," he answered very methodically. "Younger students are taught that the Uchiha, though now gone from Konoha's population, were once the possessors of the bloodline limit called the sharingan, which grants a number of abilities including copying technique. Then we reference the Great Copy Ninja, Kakashi-sensei. As the students get older, we give them more of the picture of the true past of Uchiha, and the darker side of their clan's history."

"And do you… Do you ever mention him?"

"Sasuke?" He folded his arms. "By the time they graduate the Academy, the students know the basic background of the ninja war, including Akatsuki, Madara, and Sasuke's involvement in the conflict."

I nodded. "And he's portrayed as the traitorous villain while Naruto is hailed as the hero."

"Not always," he said, shaking his head once. I turned my entire body to face him and waited for his response. He inhaled. "Technically, as a teacher, I'm supposed to stay impartial in my lectures. Most of the village is already set in their minds that Sasuke and Madara are the villains, and most of the hold Sasuke as the worse of two evils. I can't do anything to sway public opinion any more than I can convince you that he actually was that bad of a person. But I do my best to not make Sasuke out as the villain."

I calmed myself and took a moment to straighten out the thoughts in my head before responding. "Thank you, Shikamaru."

He turned slightly towards me. "You okay? You look tired."

"Oh… No, I'm well-rested, hard as it is to believe."

He closed and opened his eyes and a slow, lazy motion and turned back to his students. "Hinata said pretty much the same thing. I don't believe either of you."

I turned back to watch the children. Shikamaru had a younger class, before any of them really knew for sure what kind of a ninja they wanted to be. "You have a smart class."

He bowed once quickly. We sat in each other's silent company for about ten more minutes before he stood up. "Okay, kids, back inside! It looks like it's going to rain."

And as recess ended, so did my visit. I hadn't noticed how gray the sky had gotten, and I rushed around the village to finish the rest of my work.

The rest of the list went by without event. I ran a few more errands, and organized a few more scrolls in the library. I said the hellos and the goodbyes that I said every day, to the same people I spoke to every day, and wore that same smile I always made an effort to wear. When I was done with my task list, I headed back to the Hokage's office, already knowing what I'd find.

And just this once, I was wrong. Usually, Shizune would be standing just outside the door, ready to meet me. Today, she was gone. I considered waiting for her to return before I decided to just run with the rare misstep in my routine, and through the doors I entered.

Lady Tsunade was standing with her back to me, watching Konoha from her wide windows. From what I saw of her tiny, wrinkled hand, she'd let her transformation jutsu down. She didn't move when I entered, yet I knew she must have heard me. I stood waiting only until the door closed behind me.

"Lady Tsunade," I said. "I'm going to go for the day now."

Slowly, she turned around and sat down. Her wrinkles disappeared and she looked young again, though I couldn't miss the weariness on her expression. "Thank you, Sakura. Shizune had to fix some problem with the messenger birds."

I nodded. "Right… Well, the next batch of genin are being chosen, so we have to gather jonin to train them. At the same time, we should start organizing the Chunin exams, since they're in Konoha again this time. Also, There's a B rank mission that we've been asked to take. And the hospital once again requires your services training a new medic-nin."

He folded her hands on her desk. "I think you can handle the new medic-nin. And I've already talked to Ino, Lee, and Shino about the new genin."

"Right." I ripped up my to do list and threw the pieces in the recycling box. "I'll go now if you don't need me."

She looked up. "Actually, there's something you might be able to help me with." She straightened her posture. "Now that the rebuilding of Konoha has been completed, I thought it was time to put up a memorial for what went down five years ago. You think I could put you in charge of that?"

My eyes were still fixed on the torn pieces of paper I'd just discarded. This was the break in my routine, then? I was afraid to move for a while, but when I finally did, my eyes met with Tsunade's. She looked almost as eager as I was to complete the monument. Maybe, I thought, once the monument was finished, I could leave everything from the past behind, and I could possibly stop thinking of Sasuke all the time.

"I'll do it," I said.

She nodded and unfolded her hands. "I'd hoped you would. It's something I've been thinking about for a while now. Here's what I've thought of so far…"

But as she went on, I realized I'd been completely wrong. No, the memorial wasn't going to be for Naruto and Sasuke. It was only for the loyal Konoha ninja who'd lost their lives in the battle, namely Naruto. Of course, even Tsunade considered Sasuke a traitor to us. If only she'd been there in those last few minutes before the big fight had started. Maybe then she'd understand…

It was really only for Naruto that I still agreed to help with this memorial. For Sasuke, all I had to give was my own private mourning.


	6. Reflection

I know I haven't updated in forever, but I finally am through with college apps and all that other stuff. After taking a year off to focus on school, here is a nice long chapter.

I'm trying to avoid making OC, but sometimes it just can't be helped. Not saying there are any in this chapter, but with a lot of the main characters being dead and all, it's getting hard to just have the same living canon characters talk to each other over and over again.

_Hinata Hyuga_

**Chapter 6: Reflection**

I woke up the next morning with even less eagerness than the day before, but I woke up on time. Hanabi had already left, but I caught Neji before he went.

"I didn't get to talk to you yesterday," he began. "You seemed tired when you got home."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I just had a busier day than usual, that's all."

"Doing what?"

"Uhm… Well, I had lunch with Kiba." I stared down at my rice. Suddenly, I wasn't so hungry. "You know, at the Dango Shop."

He nodded. "Oh right. I'd forgotten that Tenten had mentioned something about that." He sat down across from me. "How'd that go?"

I felt my warmth in my cheeks, but it was nothing compared to the burning I felt in m younger years. "We ate food," I answered simply. "He was kind enough to pay for my share, and I couldn't do much to argue against it. And well… I guess we talked a little."

I hadn't realized my voice rising in pitch, until Neji stood back up again. That's all he'd been waiting for, a sign that I was letting myself feel happiness. "That's good," he said. "What are you doing today?"

"Today…" I sighed and put my finger to my lip in thought. "Well, I don't really have anything specific planned. Unless I'm called for a mission, all I don't really have anything to do."

He raised his eyes at something I said, but turned away from me before I could pick up why. "I'm not really doing anything either," he said. "I have to help my genin train for the chunin exams soon, and it's never too early to train, Lee always used to say."

I looked up at him. Sometimes, I forgot that I wasn't the only one who lost during the war. Brothers, husbands, friends, and mentors had died in battle. Lee had been among those that had died. "You know if I have to face loss, so do you," I told Neji.

He faced the door. "I already have. Every time I train with my team, it's a tribute to Lee's determination."

I looked back down at my food, then scooped up what was left into my mouth, chewed quickly, and swallowed. "It must be easier coping when you have proof right before you that the next generation's going to turn out okay."

"And what about you, Hinata?"

I stood up and put my bowl in the sink. I thought of the schoolchildren. Maybe the resemblance to our generation of ninjas wasn't a bad thing. We had mostly all come through, right? And those that had fallen had still achieved their life's goal. Well, all of them except…

"I guess," I said, "that there's proof everywhere."

He turned his head back around halfway so I could see him give one of his Neji smiles, the kind when I can tell he wants to smile but his face never really learned how to. "Well, I'll see you later then."

"Yeah, okay."

I walked back into my room to get dressed. I heard him leave while I was trying to decide between my black leggings or my navy capris. It wasn't really a matter of fashion. It depended more on what I would have to do for the day, but as I had told Neji, there wasn't much to do.

But, well, there was maybe one thing...

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_Kiba turned back around to face me after giving the cashier the money for our food. He grinned at me just like he always has. "Well, that was good food," he said in his low voice. "We should do this again."_

_As usual, I could not disappoint the friendliness in his tone. "Of course," I answered._

"_Soon?"_

_I saw the complete sincerity and hope in his eyes and began shaking my head. "I don't know..."_

_Before I could give him any concrete denial, he interrupted me. "Look, just hear me out."_

_And he just looked so happy and that I couldn't say no._

"_Okay," I said after a second or two._

_He looked down at my hands, taking both of them in his. "I'll be here again. Tomorrow." He must have seen the rejection on my expression because he went on. "Don't give me an answer now. Think about it for a day, and if you decide not to come, then don't worry about it. But if you decide to give me a chance, I'll be here. At noon."_

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And then he had walked away, purposefully not giving me a chance to say anything more. Really, even if he had stayed longer, I still wouldn't have said anything.

So did I have any plans for today? I hadn't decided yet. This avoiding and ducking around between Kiba and me had been going on far too long. At least he had finally made an almost direct move. The only problem was that I didn't feel any differently about him than I had years ago. That was one of the things that had stayed the same after Naruto's death.

I think Kiba already knew that though. After all, he'd only asked for a chance. Maybe it would be good for me. If ever I could be happy with someone, it would probably be Kiba.

Still, I decided to wait a while before I made my decision. I hastily put on my blue capris It was only nine. I still had three hours to decide. Until then, I had to check with Tsunade to see if any missions had come up.

It was about fifteen minutes to the Hokage's office from Hyuga House walking at a normal pace, even though the Hyuga Main House was one of the closest to the Hokage building. I could have probably gotten there in five if I had ninja jumped my way there, or even just ten if I had taken the direct route, but I still couldn't go down the path that crossed Ichiraku's. It wasn't helping my thought process with this Kiba situation. So again I took the long way.

Normally, it would have given me more time to think, but not today. Today, the shops were busy with people buying and people selling and people waving to each other. It was a school holiday and children were out playing. It was too loud for my own thoughts. By the time I got to the door of the office, I was no closer to a decision than I was when I left home.

I didn't go to Tsunade's office often. Usually, Sakura would send the missions along to me. Today, however, I just wanted a mission because I had run out of distractions. If I had to beg for one, I might just do it.

Shizune was at a desk outside the office door. She rose when she saw me. "Hinata, what are you doing here? You don't have any missions."

I kept the politeness up, despite how upset I had already become. "That's why I'm here," I replied. "Is there anything at all that I could help with? It doesn't have to be a real mission. I just need something to do."

"Oh, well..." She looked down at the papers on her desk. I don't know what she could have looked at in that vast mess of sheets, but she seemed to look something up quickly, then turned her head back to me. "I appreciate your offer to help, but we have every possible job filled at the moment."

"Oh."

She smiled in a sad effort to assure me. "If we need any more help, you'll be the first one to hear."

"Thank you." I turned a little bit away, just enough that I had already taken a step when the door opened and prompted me to look back over my shoulder.

Sakura was coming out of Tsunade's office. She greeted Shizune the way any of us would have greeted a colleague, but when she saw me I saw the familiarity of friendship on her face, which surprised me. "Hinata, I wasn't expecting to see you here."

Shizune gestured to me. "Sakura, Hinata was asking for something to do."

"I was just leaving," I said, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Maybe you could stay a little," she answered. "I mean, if it wouldn't be too much trouble I have something I think you could help me with."

I turned back around to face her. "What is it?"

She smiled an unbelievable smile-and I mean I could see she wasn't really happy about it-and went on explaining Konoha's latest architectural project: The Ninja War Memorial.

Naruto had always wanted his face on the mountain, and I wasn't the only one who looked up to that slab of uncarved rock and wondered why his face hade never made it there. Now this was the thing he had always dreamed of, and it was happening after his death.

"Tsunade convinced the village elders to bestow the title of Hokage onto him posthumously. They're going to carve his face up next to hers. And then at the gate of the village we're going to erect another monument for all the others who gave up their lives in the war. All the other kage villages are building identical monuments at their gates as well." She paused here only for breath, but it was more of a hysteria than excitement that I heard in her voice. "And if you're still looking for something to do, maybe you could help me."

I heard the undertones in her sentences. Maybe I could appreciate it the most. Maybe I would hurt less if I worked on this. Maybe I could finally grieve and be done with it. Maybe this was what I needed, because it clearly wasn't what she did.

"Of course I'll help," I answered, the volume of my voice surprising me.

She smiled genuinely and told me to come by her house in the afternoon. I told her I'd be there.

I didn't really want to do it. I think we all liked the notion that some sort of memorial or monument would be built, but no one wanted to be in charge of it. Maybe, no one really wanted to build it at all. But when someone asks you to do something like this, there was no way around it. Sakura had known that when she asked me, because it must've been how she had gotten involved with it too. I couldn't imagine a reason why she would want to work on this project.

I took a slow time walking back home, pausing sometimes to steal a glance of the Hokage. This time, at least, I took the quicker path through the center, where Ichiraku's was.

The Ramen Ichiraku. I didn't hesitate when I had first begun down the center path, and I actually wasn't thinking much of it-not until I actually came to the hut. There were some kids there. It helped that there weren't empty seats so that I didn't start imagining Naruto's ghost. I saw old man Teuchi, still as full of life as ever. And then part of me wondered why I had ever been afraid to come this way.

But just when I was beginning to feel at ease, Teuchi placed a ramen bowl one a platter for a customer, and I saw the white Narutomaki over the noodles, and I turned away hastily.

It wasn't much walking after that I saw another face I knew. It was one I had already seen earlier. "Hinata," Neji said in a genuinely surprised voice. "I didn't expect to see you here." After deliberation, he added, "I thought you weren't doing anything today."

He didn't need to say it out loud. I was surprised too. And it wasn't because He hadn't expected to see me. It was that he hadn't expected to see me _here_.

"Things came up," I answered. "I thought you were supposed to be training your genin."

"I'm headed to the training field right now." He observed me closely as he spoke, trying not to be obvious about it, but I knew he was happy for my progress. "I passed by Hanabi earlier. She should be home now."

"I'll stop by."

"Right." He nodded once before we exchanged an awkward goodbye.

I continued home without any further distractions. By the time I had gotten there, an hour had already passed since I had first set out. Ten o'clock. Somewhere in the next two hours I'd have to come to a decision about Kiba.

"Hanabi!" I called, hoping that she'd be able to hear me from wherever she was in the house. "I'm home!"

I heard the fast rhythm of running footsteps and sighed. She somehow always found a way to stay bright and happy. It didn't bother me that she was always smiling just as long as she didn't mind that I didn't always join her.

She came running through the yard and met me at the door. "There you are," she said, panting. It surprised me now how worried she looked. The rhythm of her footsteps wasn't so happy after all.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I tried to think of what could be so horrible. "Should I get help?"

She shook her head, and her dark brown hair swung gently around her head. "No, it's fine now. Neji said you were home, and when I came here and I couldn't find you I thought that maybe..."

Her voice trailed off, but her tone began to rub off on me and I began to feel worried myself.

"What did you think?" I insisted.

She wasn't quick to respond. I waited until she had caught her breath before asking her again. Her answer came slowly.

"Well, I know what the day before yesterday was... and Neji told me how affected you were this year more than before... and he's worried for you so then I got worried too. And when I couldn't find you... I don't know what I thought had happened, but... I just got a bad feeling."

She still sounded nervous, like I would get angry with her for worrying about me. Instead, I put my hands up at my sides. "Here I am," I said. "I'm fine. I just went out for a quick visit to Tsunade's office. Nothing bad happened, I promise."

That seemed to comfort her, but the look of concern didn't leave her face. "Well, I know I wasn't here for the war, but you know if you need to talk about it..."

She trailed off again, but only because I was already nodding. "I know, Hanabi, and thank you. But I'm doing a lot better now."

She appeared to believe, even though her expression didn't change much.

I hadn't noticed how obvious my suffering had been to those close to me, or how much of a problem I was really causing. Would _he_ have noticed? Did he, wherever he was, know how much I struggled, and if he was still here today would it have made a difference?

No, Hinata, stop thinking. You're already causing this much trouble. It's been five years. Why haven't you moved on yet? Stop holding everyone back.

Hanabi was off again going to whatever place. I remembered being her age, and I was glad for her that it was much more peaceful now than before. Well, that was the bright side, wasn't it. Naruto loved this village, and this peace is his gift to us.

And now I was thinking about Naruto again. No, Hinata, stop that. You have to think of Kiba.

I don't think it was ever a question of whether or not I would meet him. If it was just for myself, I'd gladly take this chance with Kiba if it might help me move on, but with something like this, I wasn't the only one affected. If it didn't work out-if I cause Kiba any pain that could be avoided-I don't know what I'd do.

The solitude in the house left me to my wanderings. I was walking to the kitchen when I passed by the bathroom and saw my reflection in the mirror through the open door. Suddenly, my capris didn't seem adequate. I quickly dashed back to my room to change into those black leggings from earlier, maybe fix my hair too.

My hands had their practice from styling Hanabi's hair so much. I played around with braids, pinning them to the back of my head. I tried maybe all of my straight hair tied back. What would look better, flower or a pearl barrette? A flower made more of a statement, but the barrette looked prettier with my hair. Were the braids neat enough? Let me fix them...

By the end of it, my mirror looked more like a picture of someone else than a reflection of myself. So I undid everything, taking the pins out and combing my hair straight again.

Then I looked at my reflection once more. It was now just a plain portrait. This is what I am, then: plain.

What had Naruto seen when he looked at me? Did he see just a shy girl? I can't remember now exactly what I looked like when he was still here, but it was different than now, right? Did I used to be pretty? Did _he_ think I was pretty?

_No, stop it, Hinata._

_Stop thinking about him._

_You're dragging everyone else down._

_You're hurting people._

_He's dead._

_He's dead and he's not coming back._

_Naruto is dead._

_Stop, Hinata._

_Stop._

My lungs suddenly couldn't find enough air, and before I knew it I was on my bed wiping away tears, though I did not remember crying. Then, I just gave up and sobbed into the sheets. Voices in my head still screamed, pleaded, for me to stop, but I couldn't. The power was not in me to stop.

I indulged in the self-pity a while longer before I found what little inner strength I still had and closed my eyes to shut out all of it.

When I awoke, my first thought was that it must have been past noon because the sun was already quite high in the sky.


End file.
